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- Jan 15, 1984
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- Deviant for 13 years
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Thank you for joining 
, we’re delighted to have you with us. Welcome to the revolution. 
We’re quite a busy group.
We are right in the middle of a big contest, so check it out! If you’d like to enter, you have until January 30th to do so. 
Also feel free to add us on Facebook and Twitter: @WrittenRevolt. 
, we’re delighted to have you with us. Welcome to the revolution. We’re quite a busy group.
We are right in the middle of a big contest, so check it out! If you’d like to enter, you have until January 30th to do so. Also feel free to add us on Facebook and Twitter: @WrittenRevolt. 
By the way, do you sometimes read your old stories? If you have any of course... I don't remember you mentioning something, but sometimes my memory is very weird when it comes to deciding what to remember and what not.
I just stumbled across my old story and it's incredibly cheesy, but also hella amusing to read from my perspective. I wonder if I'll feel the same about the current story in a few years - given I stop rewriting it sometimes. Currently rewriting the scene between the girl and the boy from scratch.
I just stumbled across my old story and it's incredibly cheesy, but also hella amusing to read from my perspective. I wonder if I'll feel the same about the current story in a few years - given I stop rewriting it sometimes. Currently rewriting the scene between the girl and the boy from scratch.
yeah i have stories from like 10 years ago still floating around. i don't dare read them out of crippling dread of the horrible shame, lol.
but sometimes i do here and there. i like a lot of my old poetry.
i had a character who was a very old and very accomplished archwizard who wrote:
I've been through things I can't relate
A hundred thousand poems of hate
There's naught to do but masturbate
And wonder when I'll meet my fate
another poem of his:
Those blasted sightless eyes ignite my fury,
That angry, senseless chaos of my soul.
Her sweetness only adds to my discomfort,
Unwelcome peace which I can not control.
My mind will bribe my heart to hide its passion,
To seal away the light into the dark.
Of all the creatures come before my knowing,
There's been but one who's left a deeper mark.
So who can see the future of my heartache?
A thousand gold to anyone who can.
The world shall never know my silent torture.
I am forevermore a bitter man.
man i was an angry little emo back then.
just today i got done with my super rough first draft chapter 1 rewrite. it's 1.5x as long as the current version, and i dunno if that's good or bad. a little later i'll post it up and throw you a link for whenever you have time. i can tell you even though the basic premise remains the same it's a whole lot different.
but sometimes i do here and there. i like a lot of my old poetry.
i had a character who was a very old and very accomplished archwizard who wrote:
I've been through things I can't relate
A hundred thousand poems of hate
There's naught to do but masturbate
And wonder when I'll meet my fate
another poem of his:
Those blasted sightless eyes ignite my fury,
That angry, senseless chaos of my soul.
Her sweetness only adds to my discomfort,
Unwelcome peace which I can not control.
My mind will bribe my heart to hide its passion,
To seal away the light into the dark.
Of all the creatures come before my knowing,
There's been but one who's left a deeper mark.
So who can see the future of my heartache?
A thousand gold to anyone who can.
The world shall never know my silent torture.
I am forevermore a bitter man.
man i was an angry little emo back then.
just today i got done with my super rough first draft chapter 1 rewrite. it's 1.5x as long as the current version, and i dunno if that's good or bad. a little later i'll post it up and throw you a link for whenever you have time. i can tell you even though the basic premise remains the same it's a whole lot different.
Oh I was an angry little emo, too. I don't know if my indifference today is a sign of growing up or burning out, haha.
It's interesting to see what happens to the concept of passion over time tho and even more interesting how grown up people can produce poetry and other pieces of entertainment that still fits teenager thought.
CRAAAWLING IIIN MY SKIIIN
THIS OOORANGE WILL NOT PEEEL.
I have to say I still like the sound of music tho. To me music only becomes really great when it conveys emotion and these guys can do that for me.
I think I still have some of my poems of this kind stored in the back of my scraps, tho I deleted most of them, haha. For an analyzer (and I dare to call myself that since I'm a troper) it's even more interesting to explore my former self and what was in my head that I didn't want to admit at that time. Jolly good fun.
I have to say tho, while this old story of mine is cheesy indeed and doesn't bring much new to the table, with some updates I actually think it would have way bigger market chances than my current main story Aitia. It's just a good ol' sci-fi story about a small elite group of spaceship pilots that starts out protecting an ally's resource operation, but over time the attacks get stronger than anyone expected and ghost signals without origins turn up. Then the forces on both sides grow stronger as the battles become lengthier and more epic and the mysteries go deeper than expected. It lacks a lot of characterization, but it also has like 1 fight every 3 pages without the pacing feeling off since there's plenty of reasons to go out on sometimes eventful, sometimes less eventful patrols and the journal style and short chapters allow for a lot of little timeskips to the next action scene while "action fatigue" is broken by strategy plans on the main ship, so while the characters aren't always in action, they're never really away from it.
I suppose that makes it better for selling than a story riddled with pseudo-scientific magic, symbolism and references to psychology and philosophy, haha.
Well, sounds interesting what you told me so far about the rewritten chapter, let's see if the real thing is as good as you say. Of course it's always a question on how you use those extra lines, but in general books allow for a slower pace and more extra stuff and art shouldn't be restricted by format. I remember when I was very little I used to draw on sheets of paper structures that became so big I took other sheets of paper and connected it and marked which papers fit together so I could look at the whole thing afterwards.
It's interesting to see what happens to the concept of passion over time tho and even more interesting how grown up people can produce poetry and other pieces of entertainment that still fits teenager thought.
CRAAAWLING IIIN MY SKIIIN
THIS OOORANGE WILL NOT PEEEL.
I have to say I still like the sound of music tho. To me music only becomes really great when it conveys emotion and these guys can do that for me.
I think I still have some of my poems of this kind stored in the back of my scraps, tho I deleted most of them, haha. For an analyzer (and I dare to call myself that since I'm a troper) it's even more interesting to explore my former self and what was in my head that I didn't want to admit at that time. Jolly good fun.
I have to say tho, while this old story of mine is cheesy indeed and doesn't bring much new to the table, with some updates I actually think it would have way bigger market chances than my current main story Aitia. It's just a good ol' sci-fi story about a small elite group of spaceship pilots that starts out protecting an ally's resource operation, but over time the attacks get stronger than anyone expected and ghost signals without origins turn up. Then the forces on both sides grow stronger as the battles become lengthier and more epic and the mysteries go deeper than expected. It lacks a lot of characterization, but it also has like 1 fight every 3 pages without the pacing feeling off since there's plenty of reasons to go out on sometimes eventful, sometimes less eventful patrols and the journal style and short chapters allow for a lot of little timeskips to the next action scene while "action fatigue" is broken by strategy plans on the main ship, so while the characters aren't always in action, they're never really away from it.
I suppose that makes it better for selling than a story riddled with pseudo-scientific magic, symbolism and references to psychology and philosophy, haha.
Well, sounds interesting what you told me so far about the rewritten chapter, let's see if the real thing is as good as you say. Of course it's always a question on how you use those extra lines, but in general books allow for a slower pace and more extra stuff and art shouldn't be restricted by format. I remember when I was very little I used to draw on sheets of paper structures that became so big I took other sheets of paper and connected it and marked which papers fit together so I could look at the whole thing afterwards.
Part 1: [link]
Part 2: [link]
So I guess the bulk of the rewrite put me above 64 kb for just the text, so I've had to split it in halves.
Things to not expect:
**For people to not make liberal use of the dreaded magic words (dude, pigeon, etc). Sorry, that's the way real people talk, using safe words all the time to fill gaps when their mouths are going faster than their minds. And one of the ways I'm establishing my "real" modern setting so I can fill it with zombies and magic is having people talk like real people, instead of characters in an epic adventure fantasy. You can hate it all you want, but that's how it's gonna be.
**A revamped story: the basic story remains the same. To this end I've kept bits and pieces of the original text that I felt were perfectly adequate to describe the key moments.
Things to expect:
**Actual basis for those situations that lacked context or explanations in the original. This was the primary criticism you had that I decided was valid and applicable to the vision of the story. The weakness was that in trying to ignore the reasons why things were how they were, trying to scale down the general comprehension to the level of the twelve year old main characters, the adventure ended up feeling really loose and unbelievable. Maybe with the rewrite I'll want to keep some of the information out of the kids' (and the readers') hands, but at least now I know what the hell is going on and why.
**The adult world feels stronger. The kids (primarily Mett, of course) are actually afraid of being caught, being grounded.
**Mett actually does shit. Hopefully I was able to maintain a balance here so they both contribute more or less equally, but Mett is definitely no longer dead weight. He also has an interesting new character trait that he (and also the reader) won't know about until way later in the story.
**More exposition, and this is the part I'm a little iffy about. If this is supposed to be a fast-paced first contact with the world and story, why are we taking time out to learn about things that aren't immediately relevant? This is the part where I'd really value your input.
And with that, I hope you don't find TOO many things that are absolutely horrible with it.
Part 2: [link]
So I guess the bulk of the rewrite put me above 64 kb for just the text, so I've had to split it in halves.
Things to not expect:
**For people to not make liberal use of the dreaded magic words (dude, pigeon, etc). Sorry, that's the way real people talk, using safe words all the time to fill gaps when their mouths are going faster than their minds. And one of the ways I'm establishing my "real" modern setting so I can fill it with zombies and magic is having people talk like real people, instead of characters in an epic adventure fantasy. You can hate it all you want, but that's how it's gonna be.
**A revamped story: the basic story remains the same. To this end I've kept bits and pieces of the original text that I felt were perfectly adequate to describe the key moments.
Things to expect:
**Actual basis for those situations that lacked context or explanations in the original. This was the primary criticism you had that I decided was valid and applicable to the vision of the story. The weakness was that in trying to ignore the reasons why things were how they were, trying to scale down the general comprehension to the level of the twelve year old main characters, the adventure ended up feeling really loose and unbelievable. Maybe with the rewrite I'll want to keep some of the information out of the kids' (and the readers') hands, but at least now I know what the hell is going on and why.
**The adult world feels stronger. The kids (primarily Mett, of course) are actually afraid of being caught, being grounded.
**Mett actually does shit. Hopefully I was able to maintain a balance here so they both contribute more or less equally, but Mett is definitely no longer dead weight. He also has an interesting new character trait that he (and also the reader) won't know about until way later in the story.
**More exposition, and this is the part I'm a little iffy about. If this is supposed to be a fast-paced first contact with the world and story, why are we taking time out to learn about things that aren't immediately relevant? This is the part where I'd really value your input.
And with that, I hope you don't find TOO many things that are absolutely horrible with it.
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How's the rewrite going?
oh hey
things have been busy at school, today was my first week of clinicals, super tiring
though that isn't to say i haven't been lazy, cause i have. it's going well, i think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much better it is. the one problem is it's going a lot longer than it did at first.
man rum is good.
i guess you haven't done any more sketching whether on ember or not, cause the thing would have popped up if you had. probably just really busy. finals or something.
the other problem with my rewrite is with all the new shit i'm producing just for the sake of solidifying the plausibility of the first chapter is slowly strengthening the need for me to rewrite the whole fuckin thing.
did you ever read the third chap? not sure if you ever dumped a bunch of mean comments on it, like you did with the other two.
holy shit i love alcohol.
ok anyway thanks for dropping a line, keep in touch.
things have been busy at school, today was my first week of clinicals, super tiring
though that isn't to say i haven't been lazy, cause i have. it's going well, i think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much better it is. the one problem is it's going a lot longer than it did at first.
man rum is good.
i guess you haven't done any more sketching whether on ember or not, cause the thing would have popped up if you had. probably just really busy. finals or something.
the other problem with my rewrite is with all the new shit i'm producing just for the sake of solidifying the plausibility of the first chapter is slowly strengthening the need for me to rewrite the whole fuckin thing.
did you ever read the third chap? not sure if you ever dumped a bunch of mean comments on it, like you did with the other two.
holy shit i love alcohol.
ok anyway thanks for dropping a line, keep in touch.